Notes to myself
This summer, I jumped into rebuilding the art career I’d set out to achieve 45 years ago, so I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. As you might have gathered if you’ve read any of my blog posts, I am totally in love with gardening and sustainability. I love writing and talking about gardening and sustainability. I’ve got multiple garden plots I tend and half a book written about sustainability. This is the life I’ve been dreaming of for years. I’d imagined that when I retired, splitting my days between the studio and maintaining flourishing gardens would be serene and fulfilling.
I met my first post-retirement summer with an injured foot and was in the dreaded boot through September. A good excuse for less-than-amazing results.
The second summer, this past one, I began trying out arts and crafts festivals, so I focused on producing art. The gardens fared worse than they did with the dislocated and broken toes. But I was building artistic inventory. It seemed reasonable that my plantings didn’t produce as expected, but, as you may have read in many of my previous posts, I’ve always got a good excuse.
I’m not buying it, are you?
I’ve cornered myself into perpetual task-list nightmares I can’t possibly work my way out of. I’m the worst boss I’ve ever had, and I’ve had some doozies! With some 10 or 11 garden beds to tend, how could I expect to excel with them and succeed in my neo-artistic career? Do I have some deep-seated need to prove myself a failure? Have I always been so convinced I’m a loser that I set myself up to fail? Will I have the guts to even publish this article? Or will this piece of writing end up like so many of my other unfulfilled dreams and projects? Time to stop and get real.
Girl, I said to myself, let yourself off the damn hook.
- Take a deep breath.
- Ease up.
- Be realistic.
- Review and assess.
Two things
First, I can reduce and refine what I must tend and allow myself to feel some modicum of success. Surely two well-tended garden plots are better than 11 abandoned ones. duh
And second, while I gnash my teeth and bellow about my woes about all my stuff like a spoiled brat, how about a bit of appreciation? I pledge to remember to be grateful for all that I have, rather than complain about finally getting what I always wanted. Things look so much brighter with this simple shift in viewpoint.
As I prepare for 2026, I vow to be a little kinder to myself in the New Year. I’m eager to see how life feels as I make this adjustment. And typing it out here for all the world to see is a way to ensure I’ll follow through. On this Thanksgiving day, I’m more hopeful about my future plans than I have in a good long while.